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From Shaken to Stirred: Blending Families With Style, Part 1

Shawn — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 23:09:43 +0000

Blending families is no picnic. Merging two families together, with different traditions, personalities, and parenting styles presents difficult challenges. Is it any wonder that 70 percent of remarriages involving children dissolve within the first five and a half years?

Blended families are not rare. Forty-three percent of all marriages in the US today are a second or third marriage. People who decide to blend their families in a remarriage often face unexpected complications. If you compare remarriages to settings on a blender, you will likely encounter some shredding, mincing, and chopping before achieving “smoothie” status. And the process may take many years. The opportunities for ministering to blended families are ripe.

Following are some tips to blending with style:

1. Bask in the love of God. People who decide to blend their families sometimes have several strikes against them. They may feel like second-class citizens because of their divorces and they may feel embarrassed or ashamed of their past. Or, they may feel abandoned, heartbroken and distrustful. These things can wreak havoc on self-esteem, confidence and hope for a stable future. During the early stages of the remarriage, it is important for marriage partners to remember that God loves them, no matter what, and that He will take their brokenness and make them whole again. The apostle Paul said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Cor. 12:9)

2. Cherish your marriage. There are so many ways that marriages can fail. In blended families it is especially crucial to be on the same team and not let others (extended family, children and friends) come between you. Jesus said, “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate” (Matt. 19:5-6). Married couples should protect each other by speaking well of the other person at all times. They need to appreciate effort. Couples need to expect goodwill instead of imagining that the other person has it “out for him”. They need to give the other person the benefit of the doubt by not making mountains out of molehills. The bottom line is that couples should put each other first.

3. Plan time together. If there are children in the picture, remarriages begin a step behind traditional marriages. There is no honeymoon period where couples can focus solely on each other. This should not be a hindrance. Couples can still seek to improve their marriage by establishing regular date nights and other times for conversation, planning, and communication. It is also important to have daily “couch time”. This is normally 15-30 minutes of uninterrupted time where couples communicate about their days, their plans, and the latest family news. During this time, it is critical that children do not disrupt the conversation, since it usually happens in an open space of the home. It needs to be clearly understood that this is “our time” together. Research has shown that children who learn to respect this time develop a greater sense of strength for their parents’ marriage, thus leading to a higher sense of security in the home.

What else can couples in blended families do to strengthen their marriages?

Have Yourself a Potato Chip Christmas

Shawn — Sat, 25 Dec 2010 09:29:50 +0000

Jesus in a potato chip? Or a banana? In a candy bar? How about an iron? Silly as it sounds, some people claim to see Jesus in many everyday objects.

I don’t know about you, but I have never seen Jesus in my Pringles. On the other hand, maybe I’m not looking hard enough. Didn’t Jesus say, “I am with you always”? So what’s wrong with looking at the world through Jesus colored glasses?

Can you see Jesus in Christmas? During the holidays we can easily miss seeing Jesus if we are not looking for him. But if we look closely, we can clearly see there is more to Christmas than meets the eye. Jesus gave freely to others without expecting anything in return. Christmas is about giving to others like Jesus did—wholly, unconditionally, and lovingly.

So, when you sit down to open your presents this year, take a moment to reflect on all the blessings Jesus has given to you. Never forget that he is with you. Always.

It just depends on your perspective.

Merry Christmas!

Remembering Mel Weldon

Shawn — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 22:05:32 +0000

My friend and mentor, Mel Weldon, passed away on Monday. Mel was a minister for over 60 years, and touched the lives of countless people. When I was first starting out in ministry, Mel and I worked at the same church. He helped me understand ministry, and gave me advice that I still heed today. Mel was known for many things, including his wit, his counseling abilities, and his passion for preaching. His wife Sue also holds a special place in my heart. Mel and Sue had a great marriage, and he loved her with all his heart. She did everything for Mel—cooked, cleaned, screened his phone calls, and supported him in every way. When Sue passed some 20 years ago, Mel found himself alone, without his best friend. Not long after Sue passed, Mel came up to me with excitement in his voice and said, “I just learned how to make a glass of iced tea!” I never realized just how much Sue did for Mel until he told me that!

He and Sue are together again at last.

We will all miss you, Mel.