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How to Interpret “Man Speak”

I don’t remember where I got these, but they are too full of truth not to share.

When a man says “IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN”
He means: “I have no idea how it works”

When a man says “TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU ARE WORKING TOO HARD’’
He means: “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner”

When a man says “CAN I HELP WITH DINNER”
He means: “Why isn’t it ready yet?”

When a man says “UH HUH, SURE HONEY,” or “YES, DEAR”
He means: Absolutely nothing – It’s a conditioned response.

When a man says ’OH, DON’T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT’S NO BIG DEAL”
He means: “I have probably severed a limb, but I will bleed to death before I admit I’m hurt, so get over here and help me!”

When a man says ’I CAN’T FIND IT.’’
He means: “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hand, so I’m completely clueless”

When a man says “I HEARD YOU.”

He means: “I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said and I am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you’ll not spend the next 3 days yelling at me.”

When a man says “YOU LOOK TERRIFIC!”
He means: “Oh please don’t try on one more outfit, we’re late and I’m starving.”

When a man says “I’M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.’’
He means: “No one will ever see us alive again.”

When a man says, “THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT.”
He means: “If something I said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, I meant the other one.

Can you think of any more?

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