Meet Juana: A Teenager with a HUGE Testimony
Hi my name is Juana,
Disclaimer: for personal reasons I am not going to use my actual name instead I chose to use the name I have to use in Spanish class
Gods put it on my heart for some time to share with you my testimony.
It all begins when I was born.. You see I was born at 28weeks! I was 2pounds 9ounces! I was supposed to be born October 30th I was born august 12th. Both my mom and I should be dead yet 17yrs later here we both are living.. You see during the pregnancy my mom was on Vacation with the family or something.. During the vacation she was getting really sick having no clue I was the issue causing her sickness she just kept moving forward finally she went home cause she was realizing something wasn’t right then on august 12th about 12am they delivered me throughC-section.. I was born with asthma and a blind left eye some how I no longer have asthma and a blind left eye back then I would have said it was by luck now I say it was by God and his love for me! While I was a baby I faced a lot more fatal close to death experiences!
Let’s skip ahead shall we?
Now I am 6 years old, At this Age I tried committing suicide bout 3 or 4 times. I have tons of anger inside of me most of it is toward myself and basically every day consisted of me getting in a huge fight with my parents, me threatening to end my life, then I would physically hurt myself by beating my head against a brick wall..
Now let me tell you this before i go any further y’all probably thinking I’m crazy and probably thinking someone needs to teach this child manners.. Well.. I was taught manners at school I basically acted like a normal child! But what no one knew was that I had these voices in my head telling me everyone hated me, telling me I should kill myself because I would be doing everyone a favor, and I had thoughts saying we hate Juana you hate Juana we all have Juana!!
Now let’s skip a year
I’m now 8, my self hate is a secret, and I hid my self abuse..
At age at is when everything changed for the worse… At that age My childhood was over.. I didn’t give it away it was taken away by my younger brothers friends when they raped me.. (my brother watched)
(keep note I told no one about this
Now skip ahead.. Now I am 9 years old, myself hate is even worse, I get into fights during recess with all guys (no one ever found out), my sister introduced me to drugs, but to top of the badness I was raped by my younger brothers other friend as my brother held me down.. It was so bad I have no idea if I will even have kids..
(never told anyone about this ethier)
Age 10 went like a heart beat because of the self hatred and suicide attempts.. I am now into cutting
At age 11 I am cutting daily, Ive tried committing suicide 7 times, I’m questioning the existence of God, and I’m trying pills now
At age 12 im hooked on pills, I am now I full atheist, I’m bi, I tried committing suicide 12 times now, and cutting more than daily…
Age 13 comes and I thought life was already bad as is.. I am now in a Christian school (remember I’m atheist), getting bullied constantly, I hate my family even more at this age because on a Sunday afternoon my grandpa sexual abuses me and this is how my parents handled it dad-”oh well… Don’t see him again” walks away goes back to his tv mom- tells everyone in the family what happened infront of me and tells me to stop crying..
(the only thing I told them)
I’m now most definitely bi, I hate life, god, myself, my family, and I want to die even more.. (I still am forced to see my grandma and grandpa till this very day)
Now I am 14 I’m into drinking, drugs, bisexuals, smoking, cutting, I still go to a Christian school, hate God, and hate myself… I tried committing suicide 13 times that year
At age 15 Nothing changed except I lost count at how many times I tried to kill myself..
Now at age 16 I just new there had to be something out there I didn’t know what all I knew was that there just had to be… So I tried EVERY religion(except Christianity) gave up on them all!
One day.. A youth pastor followed me on twitter… I then said why not and for the first time I followed a pastor back on twitter! Then he found me on FB and I accepted his friend request! For some strange reason I decided to start talking to him! We just talked and talked and talked!! We both realized how much we had in common! He went to a Christian high school, he didn’t believe in God, he tried out every religion! Suddenly I started asking him bible questions! Next thing you know over Facebook chat I type out a prayer at 1am and on January 14th I gave my entire life to Christ!!
Now I didn’t change over night now it took time and determination and Gods love and I am now 300something days clean from drugs, drinking, cutting, bisexuality, cussing, etc.! I am no longer the same chick! If you met me when I was 12,13,14,15 I would have cussed you out if you told me God loved me! Now I am like “He loves you as well!!” I am trying my hardest to heal through my past and I am also helping so many others because of my experience!
I hope this post as helped you as well!!!
(ps. The youth pastor and I are still extremely good friends and to help me ‘change’ he introduced me to one of his friends an co-workers! I visit the youth pastor, his family, and his co-worker/one of my best friends! (did I mention we live states apart?!))
Thank you for reading!
Remember you are NOT alone!